Exam Season, Emotional Support Tea, and the Student Who Threatened the Subjunctive
A few weeks have passed since my last update, and the atmosphere has changed dramatically.
The weather is warmer.
The students are stressier.
And I now receive emails marked “URGENT” that are absolutely not urgent.
Exam season has arrived.
As a British tutor living in the USA, I’ve discovered that American student panic is wonderfully theatrical. British students tend to quietly suffer in silence. American students announce their academic despair like they’re opening a Broadway show.
Honestly? I admire it.
Monday – “Quick Question” (It Was Not Quick)
Woke up to an email titled:
“Tiny grammar clarification :)”
Brave reader, the attachment was seven pages long.
SEVEN.
The student wanted:
- tense review,
- article corrections,
- vocabulary feedback,
- pronunciation notes,
- and “just a quick confidence check.”
At this point I’m less of a tutor and more of an emotional support linguist.
Tuesday – The Student vs The Subjunctive
Advanced grammar lesson.
A dangerous place.
I introduced the subjunctive:
“If I were…”
Immediately one student narrowed his eyes and said:
“No.”
Not “I don’t understand.”
Not “Could you explain again?”
Just:
“No.”
He spent the next ten minutes arguing that nobody talks like this in real life.
Which is fair.
But unfortunately English grammar was designed centuries ago by people wearing wigs and refusing happiness.
Eventually he sighed dramatically and muttered:
“Fine. If I were wrong…”
Progress.
Wednesday – Group Class Chaos
Today’s speaking topic was:
“Describe your ideal holiday.”
Simple. Safe. Relaxing.
Incorrect.
Within minutes:
- one student was passionately defending cruises,
- another claimed airports are “a social experiment,”
- and one man gave a ten-minute speech about why he doesn’t trust hotel carpets.
Honestly, valid concerns all round.
Meanwhile I was desperately trying to steer the conversation back toward useful travel vocabulary and away from conspiracy theories about complimentary breakfast buffets.
Thursday – British Problems Abroad
One of my students asked:
“Do Americans understand your accent easily?”
I laughed so hard I nearly disconnected myself from Zoom.
Most of the time, yes.
But occasionally I say words like:
- “water,”
- “bottle,”
- or “Tuesday,”
…and watch people look at me like I’m a Victorian ghost asking for directions.
I’ve started unconsciously code-switching.
Sometimes I hear myself say “zee” instead of “zed” and feel like I’ve betrayed my ancestors.
Friday – The Accidental Threat
A student became very emotional about essay structure and finally declared:
“If this introduction does not improve, I shall simply perish.”
A dramatic overreaction.
Naturally, I replied:
“That’s excellent formal English.”
Later in the lesson, another student accidentally wrote:
“The graph experienced emotional damage.”
Honestly? Same.
🎉 Weekend – Recovery & Biscuits
Saturday:
I attempted productivity.
This mainly involved opening my laptop, staring at my lesson plans, and then rewarding myself for the effort with snacks.
Sunday:
Went to a café and overheard two university students arguing about semicolons.
I almost joined in.
This is who I am now.
Being a tutor means grammar eventually stops being a job and becomes a personality trait.
