I Try to Teach English While Stuck in an Airport, The Fridge Question, and Why British Spelling is a Conspiracy
Monday – Live from Gate 47B
I had to teach from the airport. Not metaphorically. Literally.
Flight delayed 4 hours. Found a semi-quiet corner near the Pret A Manger.
Started a lesson with my C1 business English student while a man next to me loudly argued with his suitcase (the suitcase was winning).
Meanwhile, I taught “negotiation phrases” using the boarding announcements as examples.
“Passengers unwilling to gate-check their bags will not be allowed to board.”
“That’s what we call a non-negotiable offer, Sandra.”
10/10. Business English gold.
Tuesday – The Fridge Question™
Student: “Why do we say fridge and not frigerator?”
Me: “Well, refrigerator doesn’t have a ‘d’… but fridge does.”
Student: “So… it’s just… nonsense?”
Me: “…Yes.”
This led to a 20-minute tangent on English logic (spoiler: there is none), and then I accidentally invented a new word: “fridgecision” – the difficult decision of whether or not to eat week-old pasta.
I give it three months before it ends up in the Oxford Dictionary.
Wednesday – Spelling Wars: Episode IV – There’s No Hope.
New student from Canada asked if she should use British or American spelling.
Before I could answer, two other students (one from London, one from New York) jumped in and it turned into an actual spelling duel:
UK: “It’s colour.”
US: “It’s color – no ‘u’, keep it sleek.”
Me: “It’s chaos and I just want a biscuit/cookie.”
We agreed on a truce: she can use whichever system doesn’t cause an existential crisis.
(But secretly, British spelling is a conspiracy. No one needs that many silent letters. Honour? For whom? And draught beer sounds like something Gandalf ordered.)
Thursday – Zoom Shenanigans
Wi-Fi kept freezing during class. Every time I struck a teaching pose, Zoom captured me mid-gesture looking like I was conducting an invisible orchestra.
Student screen-shotted it and made a meme titled:
“When your tutor says ‘Let’s practice reported speech’ but your soul leaves your body.”
Not gonna argue that one.
Friday – False Friends and Pizza Lies
Student asked me if “actual” in English means “current,” like it does in Spanish.
I said no, and then watched the light leave her eyes. She whispered, “I’ve been telling people ‘my actual boyfriend’ for years…”
I told her not to worry. English is the land of lies.
Our “oven pizza” instructions still say “crispy in 8 minutes” and we all know that’s a fantasy.
WEEKEND – SWEATPANTS & BRITISH DETECTIVE SHOWS
Saturday’s weather: “Cloudy with a 90% chance of snacks.”
I celebrated the end of the week with two personal victories:
Cleaned my desk for the first time since 2022. (The year of the great coffee spill)
Tried yoga. Gave up. Had a biscuit. Felt more flexible emotionally.
Sunday highlight: went to the local market where someone sold “authentic British scones” but pronounced it “scone” like “phone.”
I almost gave them a mini TED Talk on regional dialects but remembered I was technically off the clock.
Binged 5 episodes of Midsomer Murders. I now speak only in cryptic metaphors and offer people tea during tense moments.
Words of Wisdom from Week 2:
“If you can explain conditionals while an airport announcement says your gate has changed for the 5th time — you’re not a tutor, you’re a linguistic Jedi.”
Next week: I try to explain phrasal verbs using kitchen utensils, a student tells me their dog can understand English, and I teach a class entirely through interpretive dance (accidentally).
