{"id":673,"date":"2026-05-17T13:29:47","date_gmt":"2026-05-17T17:29:47","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/ieltshero.com\/blog\/?p=673"},"modified":"2026-05-17T13:49:00","modified_gmt":"2026-05-17T17:49:00","slug":"diary-of-an-online-english-tutor-may-2026-pollen-panic-and-the-student-who-invented-business-shakespeare","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/ieltshero.com\/blog\/diary-of-an-online-english-tutor-may-2026-pollen-panic-and-the-student-who-invented-business-shakespeare\/","title":{"rendered":"Diary of an Online English Tutor \u2013 May 2026: Pollen, Panic, and the Student Who Invented Business Shakespeare"},"content":{"rendered":"<p data-start=\"121\" data-end=\"137\">May has arrived.<\/p>\n<p data-start=\"139\" data-end=\"279\">The birds are singing.<br data-start=\"161\" data-end=\"164\" \/>The pollen is weaponised.<br data-start=\"189\" data-end=\"192\" \/>And students everywhere are suddenly remembering they have exams \u201cquite soon actually.\u201d<\/p>\n<p data-start=\"281\" data-end=\"494\">As a British tutor living in the USA, May is a fascinating time of year. Americans become wildly optimistic the second the temperature reaches 70 degrees, \u00a0(21 degrees for my British friends) while I remain emotionally prepared for rain at all times.<\/p>\n<p data-start=\"496\" data-end=\"526\">Teaching-wise? Absolute chaos.<\/p>\n<hr data-start=\"528\" data-end=\"531\" \/>\n<h3 data-section-id=\"1np7xp5\" data-start=\"533\" data-end=\"571\">Monday \u2013 The Allergy Season Lesson<\/h3>\n<p data-start=\"573\" data-end=\"655\">I began Monday sneezing so aggressively that one student asked if I was buffering.<\/p>\n<p data-start=\"657\" data-end=\"694\">We were practising health vocabulary:<\/p>\n<ul data-start=\"696\" data-end=\"806\">\n<li data-section-id=\"1phbws2\" data-start=\"696\" data-end=\"718\">\u201cI have a headache.\u201d<\/li>\n<li data-section-id=\"rmy22\" data-start=\"719\" data-end=\"744\">\u201cI have a sore throat.\u201d<\/li>\n<li data-section-id=\"1ppvhid\" data-start=\"745\" data-end=\"806\">\u201cI have seasonal allergies and spiritually I am suffering.\u201d<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p data-start=\"808\" data-end=\"842\">One student confidently announced:<\/p>\n<blockquote data-start=\"843\" data-end=\"885\">\n<p data-start=\"845\" data-end=\"885\">\u201cTeacher, your eyes look British today.\u201d<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n<p data-start=\"887\" data-end=\"928\">I still don\u2019t fully know what that means.<\/p>\n<hr data-start=\"930\" data-end=\"933\" \/>\n<h3 data-section-id=\"e6tj9p\" data-start=\"935\" data-end=\"1001\">Tuesday \u2013 The Student Who Spoke Entirely in Corporate Nonsense<\/h3>\n<p data-start=\"1003\" data-end=\"1027\">Business English lesson.<\/p>\n<p data-start=\"1029\" data-end=\"1047\">Dangerous already.<\/p>\n<p data-start=\"1049\" data-end=\"1118\">I asked my student to describe his work responsibilities. He replied:<\/p>\n<blockquote data-start=\"1120\" data-end=\"1208\">\n<p data-start=\"1122\" data-end=\"1208\">\u201cI leverage cross-functional communication pipelines to optimise stakeholder synergy.\u201d<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n<p data-start=\"1210\" data-end=\"1261\">Brave reader, this man works in parking management.<\/p>\n<p data-start=\"1263\" data-end=\"1299\">I gently suggested simpler language.<\/p>\n<p data-start=\"1301\" data-end=\"1335\">He looked horrified and whispered:<\/p>\n<blockquote data-start=\"1336\" data-end=\"1387\">\n<p data-start=\"1338\" data-end=\"1387\">\u201cBut then how will people know I\u2019m professional?\u201d<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n<p data-start=\"1389\" data-end=\"1432\">A fair question in modern business culture.<\/p>\n<hr data-start=\"1434\" data-end=\"1437\" \/>\n<h3 data-section-id=\"1u2e4aa\" data-start=\"1439\" data-end=\"1479\">Wednesday \u2013 The Great Idiom Disaster<\/h3>\n<p data-start=\"1481\" data-end=\"1503\">Today\u2019s topic: idioms. I explained:<\/p>\n<blockquote data-start=\"1535\" data-end=\"1566\">\n<p data-start=\"1537\" data-end=\"1566\">\u201cIt\u2019s raining cats and dogs.\u201d<\/p>\n<p data-start=\"1537\" data-end=\"1566\">\n<\/blockquote>\n<p data-start=\"1568\" data-end=\"1596\">A student immediately asked:<\/p>\n<blockquote data-start=\"1597\" data-end=\"1643\">\n<p data-start=\"1599\" data-end=\"1643\">\u201cHow many dogs before it becomes dangerous?\u201d<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n<p data-start=\"1645\" data-end=\"1715\">Another asked whether British people genuinely say this during storms. Yes. We do.<br \/>\nUsually while standing outside in unsuitable shoes pretending everything is fine.<\/p>\n<hr data-start=\"1812\" data-end=\"1815\" \/>\n<h3 data-section-id=\"juqn2f\" data-start=\"1817\" data-end=\"1860\">Thursday \u2013 Business Shakespeare Appears<\/h3>\n<p data-start=\"1862\" data-end=\"1898\">The same corporate student returned.<\/p>\n<p data-start=\"1900\" data-end=\"1948\">This time he attempted persuasive email writing.<\/p>\n<p data-start=\"1950\" data-end=\"1971\">His opening sentence:<\/p>\n<blockquote data-start=\"1972\" data-end=\"2038\">\n<p data-start=\"1974\" data-end=\"2038\">\u201cDear Maria, thou hast ignored mine previous correspondence.\u201d<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n<p data-start=\"2040\" data-end=\"2092\">I stared at the screen for so long my webcam dimmed.<\/p>\n<p data-start=\"2094\" data-end=\"2114\">The email continued:<\/p>\n<blockquote data-start=\"2115\" data-end=\"2182\">\n<p data-start=\"2117\" data-end=\"2182\">\u201cPerchance we might circle back regarding the quarterly metrics.\u201d<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n<p data-start=\"2184\" data-end=\"2278\">It was like LinkedIn and a Renaissance fair had merged into one deeply unsettling human being.<\/p>\n<p data-start=\"2280\" data-end=\"2336\">I corrected the grammar.<br \/>\nI could not correct the energy.<\/p>\n<hr data-start=\"2338\" data-end=\"2341\" \/>\n<h3 data-section-id=\"fkz6mu\" data-start=\"2343\" data-end=\"2382\">Friday \u2013 The Pronunciation Betrayal<\/h3>\n<p data-start=\"2384\" data-end=\"2411\">Today I had to explain why: \u201cThough\u201d, \u201cThrough\u201d, \u201cThought\u201dand \u201cTough\u201d are all pronounced differently.<\/p>\n<p data-start=\"2495\" data-end=\"2540\">The students looked betrayed.<br \/>\nHonestly? Fair.<\/p>\n<p data-start=\"2542\" data-end=\"2588\">One student leaned back dramatically and said:<\/p>\n<blockquote data-start=\"2589\" data-end=\"2615\">\n<p data-start=\"2591\" data-end=\"2615\">\u201cEnglish is just vibes.\u201d<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n<p data-start=\"2617\" data-end=\"2650\">And after nine years of teaching?<\/p>\n<p data-start=\"2652\" data-end=\"2675\">I fear he may be right.<\/p>\n<hr data-start=\"2677\" data-end=\"2680\" \/>\n<h2 data-section-id=\"1vyfk6p\" data-start=\"2682\" data-end=\"2723\">\u00a0Weekend \u2013 Tea, Sunshine, and Denial<\/h2>\n<p data-start=\"2725\" data-end=\"2832\">Saturday:<br \/>\nWent for a walk and confidently announced, \u201cLovely weather,\u201d despite immediately getting too hot.<\/p>\n<p data-start=\"2834\" data-end=\"2955\">That\u2019s the British experience abroad:<br \/>\ncomplaining about rain until sunshine arrives, then complaining about the sunshine.<\/p>\n<p data-start=\"2957\" data-end=\"3081\">Sunday:<br \/>\nBought iced coffee large enough to require structural engineering and spent the afternoon lesson planning in a park.<\/p>\n<p data-start=\"3083\" data-end=\"3193\">By \u201clesson planning,\u201d I mean watching squirrels fight while occasionally opening my laptop to feel productive.<\/p>\n<hr data-start=\"3195\" data-end=\"3198\" \/>\n<h2 data-section-id=\"1dsmo24\" data-start=\"3200\" data-end=\"3224\">Thoughts from May:<\/h2>\n<p data-start=\"3226\" data-end=\"3260\">Teaching English means explaining:<\/p>\n<ul data-start=\"3261\" data-end=\"3367\">\n<li data-section-id=\"18e59q0\" data-start=\"3261\" data-end=\"3293\">grammar rules with exceptions,<\/li>\n<li data-section-id=\"5fwo1y\" data-start=\"3294\" data-end=\"3324\">pronunciation with no logic,<\/li>\n<li data-section-id=\"zdjw2s\" data-start=\"3325\" data-end=\"3367\">and idioms involving airborne livestock.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p data-start=\"3369\" data-end=\"3423\">But every now and then, a student accidentally writes:<\/p>\n<blockquote data-start=\"3424\" data-end=\"3475\">\n<p data-start=\"3426\" data-end=\"3475\">\u201cThou hast ignored mine previous correspondence,\u201d<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n<p data-start=\"3477\" data-end=\"3527\">\u2026and suddenly the whole profession feels worth it.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>May has arrived. The birds are singing.The pollen is weaponised.And students everywhere are suddenly remembering they have exams \u201cquite soon [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":674,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"site-sidebar-layout":"default","site-content-layout":"","ast-site-content-layout":"default","site-content-style":"default","site-sidebar-style":"default","ast-global-header-display":"","ast-banner-title-visibility":"","ast-main-header-display":"","ast-hfb-above-header-display":"","ast-hfb-below-header-display":"","ast-hfb-mobile-header-display":"","site-post-title":"","ast-breadcrumbs-content":"","ast-featured-img":"","footer-sml-layout":"","ast-disable-related-posts":"","theme-transparent-header-meta":"default","adv-header-id-meta":"","stick-header-meta":"","header-above-stick-meta":"","header-main-stick-meta":"","header-below-stick-meta":"","astra-migrate-meta-layouts":"set","ast-page-background-enabled":"default","ast-page-background-meta":{"desktop":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-5)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"tablet":{"background-color":"","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"mobile":{"background-color":"","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""}},"ast-content-background-meta":{"desktop":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-4)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"tablet":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-4)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"mobile":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-4)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""}},"footnotes":""},"categories":[23],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-673","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-teacher-diary"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v27.6 - 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