{"id":593,"date":"2025-07-13T16:03:35","date_gmt":"2025-07-13T20:03:35","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/ieltshero.com\/blog\/?p=593"},"modified":"2025-08-05T19:56:52","modified_gmt":"2025-08-05T23:56:52","slug":"diary-of-an-online-english-tutor-week-3-fireworks-and-the-4th-of-july","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/ieltshero.com\/blog\/diary-of-an-online-english-tutor-week-3-fireworks-and-the-4th-of-july\/","title":{"rendered":"Diary of an Online English Tutor \u2013 Week 3: Fireworks and the 4th of July"},"content":{"rendered":"
\u00a0<\/strong>
Started the week with a writing task review. Opened an email that read:<\/h5>\n
<\/h5>\n

\u201cDear Sir or Madam,<\/span><\/p>\n

I am writing to apply for the scholarship because YOLO.
Respectfully,
Alex\u201d<\/p>\n

I stared at the screen for a full minute.
I wanted to scream but also kind of\u2026 clap?
Told Alex that \u201cYOLO\u201d is not considered formal academic reasoning.
He replied:<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat if I add a semicolon?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Honestly, not the worst idea I\u2019ve heard.<\/p>\n

\n

Tuesday \u2013 Sock Puppets and the Great Affect\/Effect War<\/strong>
Another day, another student mixing up \u201caffect\u201d and \u201ceffect\u201d like it\u2019s performance art.
In a moment of pure desperation, I reached for two nearby socks and said:<\/p>\n

\n

\u201cThis is Affect<\/strong>. She\u2019s a verb. She does things.\u201d
\u201cThis is Effect<\/strong>. He\u2019s a noun. He\u2019s the result.\u201d<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

Was this professional?
No.
Was it effective?
Yes.
Did my student name them \u201cSocky\u201d and \u201cMr. Feels\u201d and demand they return every lesson?
Also yes.<\/p>\n

\n

Wednesday \u2013 The 4th of July, Explained Poorly<\/strong>
My American students were giddy about \u201cthe long weekend\u201d<\/em> and kept asking me what I\u2019d be doing for the Fourth.
As a British tutor, this puts me in a morally grey area.<\/p>\n

\u201cAh yes, the day you all celebrated getting rid of me. How jolly.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

One student asked if we have fireworks in the UK.
I said, \u201cYes, but we usually reserve them for when a royal gets married or a kettle reaches full boil.\u201d
(He believed me.)<\/p>\n

\n

Thursday \u2013 ESL Plot Twist: Homework in Morse Code<\/strong>
Student said he \u201ctried something different\u201d for his vocabulary assignment.
It was written entirely in Morse code<\/strong>.
Dot. Dot. Dash. Chaos.<\/p>\n

I asked why.
He said: \u201cBecause I wanted you to feel like a spy.\u201d<\/em>
I did. I felt like a very tired, underpaid, overly caffeinated grammar spy.<\/p>\n

He later admitted he just didn\u2019t want to write full sentences.<\/p>\n

Fair.<\/p>\n

\n
Friday \u2013 Grammar and Fireworks (in That Order)<\/strong><\/h5>\n

There I was, halfway through explaining the past perfect continuous \u2014 really in the zone \u2014 when the sky outside exploded<\/strong>.<\/p>\n

Fireworks. Loud, proud, and extremely red, white, and blue.<\/p>\n

My student froze.
\u201cWas that\u2026 an explosion?\u201d
I said, \u201cYes. It\u2019s the Fourth of July \u2014 the annual American tradition of declaring independence through explosives, questionable hot dogs, and \u2018Sweet Caroline\u2019 played far too loudly.\u201d<\/p>\n

We attempted to continue, but every sentence was followed by a KABOOM<\/em> that made it sound like grammar itself was under siege. Honestly, it added a certain flair. I might start coordinating my lessons with fireworks for dramatic effect. Nothing says \u2018past participle\u2019 like a well-timed sky rocket.<\/p>\n

As the rockets and explosions subsided she asked why we say \u201cmaths\u201d and Americans say \u201cmath.\u201d
I paused, smiled and said:<\/p>\n

\u201cWell, some things got lost in the revolution \u2014 vowels, extra letters, and apparently, plural logic.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

She laughed. I sipped my tea.
Happy Independence Day to the brave souls who spell colour without a \u2018u\u2019.<\/strong><\/p>\n

\n
Weekend \u2013 God Save The Day Off<\/h5>\n

Saturday:
Went outside! Touched grass! Briefly regretted it.
Came back in, made tea so strong it could vote.<\/p>\n

Sunday:
Got lost in a rabbit hole about whether \u201caluminium\u201d or \u201caluminum\u201d is correct.
Spoiler: we\u2019re right and we have the extra syllable to prove it.<\/em><\/p>\n

Lit a sparkler in honour of international students everywhere who\u2019ve mastered conditionals.
They deserve fireworks more than anyone.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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